The Riddler hijacks the local TV airwaves and appears onscreen holding a comically long roll of paper. After dramatically clearing his throat, he proceeds to read from it.
“The following is a list of people who can suck it. Number One: The Joker. I don’t think I need to explain that one. Number Two: Cluemaster. Fuck you, you stole my bit, and I will be like a plague unto your house. Number Three: King Tut. You also stole my bit, but did it while killing people and got me arrested for murder. Also, I’m, like, 93% sure you’re a white guy and your costume is racist.
“Number Four: The Scarecrow. I know you ate my leftover Chinese, Jon, even though I wrote my name on it. I was saving that for lunch. I had to eat a goddamn peanut butter and jelly sandwich like a five-year-old. It was all you had in the hideout. For fuck’s sake, go shopping, not all of us can live like a bridge troll.
“Number Five: The Penguin. You- No, no, wait, wait… That one should be crossed out. He replaced that and apologized. Never mind, Oswald, you’re fine. Drinks at 7:00 tomorrow, right?
“Anyway, where was…? Ah, yes. Number Six: The Mad Hatter. You carded me and left me like that for six hours because I, and I quote, ‘would not stop talking about Mythbusters.’ Well, excuse me for trying to make intellectually stimulating conversation on a level you could understand. I suppose every time you prattle on about mome raths and borogoves it’s goddamn Shakespeare? Well… Well, it’s Carroll, but… Oh, you know what I mean!
“Number Seven: Catwoman. You left me hanging by one hand from a ledge five stories up and holding a twenty-pound bag of jewels and very pointy
objets d'art while you ‘distracted’ the Dark Knight. I know you were making out with him, Selina. You were gone for fifteen minutes. My shoulder almost dislocated. Very unprofessional.
“Number Eight: Kite Man.”
Here the Riddler pauses, lifting his narrowed gaze to glare at the camera, voice dropping to an ominous tone.
“You know what you did…”
His demeanor shifts quickly, and he’s back to reading from his list almost cheerfully.
“Number Nine! Th-”
He’s interrupted by a crashing noise in the background and looks over his shoulder just an instant before a deep voice angrily growls, “Riddler!”
“Oh, for the love of-” He turns to glare at the camera, speaking quickly. “Number Nine: Batman! Interrupting me while I’m on television making very important- Hm-mmph!”
He’s reduced to muffled curses as a black gloved hand covers his mouth and pulls him out of frame. The camera tilts, a cracking noise is heard, and the broadcast turns to static.
KITE MAN’S CRIMES WERE NUMEROUS AND TERRIBLE
If I were batman I’d give him like a five minute warning, because this actually sounds theraputic.
Batman: Riddler, you’ve hijacked the TV airwaves and you know that’s wrong but I think this is actually theraputic. So I’m giving you five minutes, and then I’m taking you to Arkham
Robin: Geez get a facebook account for this crap, hell if you wanna vent to millions of strangers just get youtube.
“RIDDLER YOU CAN’T JUST GO ON TV AND SCREAM AT PEOPLE
THAT’S WHAT YOUTUBE IS FOR”
Riddler takes this advice. He gets his own youtube channel called RiddleMe_Th15. It starts out as being purely therapeutic, a platform for publically calling out those who have annoyed him. Then someone leaves him a pathetically easy riddle to solve in the comments, and he spends his next segment ranting about it, and then posing a better one.
This starts a dialogue with a number of other youtube users who both attempt to answer his riddles and pose their own riddles in return.
Riddler has found his people, and his hit count is climbing.
Seriously, Riddler would KILL IT (metaphorically speaking) on YouTube. He just does those weird animated puzzle videos where he poses lengthy, overly complicated puzzles, game theories, and riddles, then gives away…fuck I don’t know…Amazon or iTunes cards to whoever gets them right.
“Riddle me this: How can I ensure there are more videos like this one? The answer, my little quest solvers, is simple: Like and subscribe, and consider donating to my Patreon! Which isn’t much of a Riddle, but seriously I’m down to eating crackers and ramen right now and YouTube keeps demonetizing my videos because I used to be a supervillain.”
Bringing this back because “YouTube keeps demonetizing my videos because I used to be a supervillain” has to be shared and because I have some followers who have not experienced The Riddler Post.
Seriously, if you ever need a good time, just read all the responses in the notes. This post still ranks as one of the best things I’ve ever done.
tfw your coworker is such a creep that you’d literally rather be kidnapped by the local supervillain than be around him
Please can I have some more, op :’D
Honestly this is why I was sad when Megamind became a hero I wanted him to be the local supervillain who keeps the peace by ensuring he’s the only criminal in the game.
And Metroman has a big staged fight with him every fortnight or so.
And Roxanne gets ‘kidnapped’ by Megamind frequently but it’s really for a date so Metroman just goes ‘cool, pick you two up in three hours k?’
But publically Roxanne and Metroman are dating even if everyone knows the truth, it’s a fun charade.
And whenever a ‘real’ supervillain shows up Megamind and Metroman have this big dramatic ‘truce’ to team up and fight the bad guy Coming up with increasingly convoluted motivations so that Megamind is technically still evil.
They have all night writing workshops and everything.
Anyway that’s why I love this comic, because it feeds into that possibility.
Wa-
I’m
I’m listening
I’m very listening
I am HIGHLY invested in this au and this is a great comic
i don’t know but i’m reblogging it because i’m afraid it’s one of those “REBLOG THIS CREATURE AND GET WEALTH” memes in disguise, and if I don’t, it’s going to come to my house, steal everything of value I own, piss on the rest, and leave without even letting me pet it.
I keep forgetting that NT people don’t do math the same way people with ADHD do it until I try to explain my thought process and get weird looks from people who are like “how the FUCK did you do that?”
whoops
and for those of you who DON’T know what I’m talking about I’ll give you an example
42 + 29 = 71
for neurotypical people, they use the method we were all taught in grade school where you add 9 + 2 to get 11 and then move the extra one over to make 4 + 2 + 1 which equals 7 to give you 71
but the way I do it (as many other people with ADHD as I’ve come to find out) is this:
okay so you have 42 + 29. if you take 1 away from 42 and give it to 29 to make it an even 30, you now have 41 + 30 which is an easy 71
or, another problem: 53 + 88
round that 88 up to 90 and take the two from 53 so you have 51 + 90. but wait I can make this easier. take 10 more from 51 to make 90, 100 and now you have 41 + 100 which equals 141
it’s just…so much faster? and makes so much more sense to me
also? the math teachers that always took off points for kids not showing their work?
fucking HATED that. as someone who could get from point A to point D in my head in a split second, I felt like showing my work was often a waste of time when sometimes it felt like I just automatically knew the answer
or, if I did put down my work, I went through a process that wasn’t taught and would get points reduced anyway because it wasn’t the way we were taught just because my brain worked differently than the rest of the class. my answer was always right. they just didn’t like how I got it
never did like that much
also, this is another way of doing it that I just saw on facebook that I’ve also done before
because I do things to that extent too
so if you give me something like 37 + 45 I’ll go “well 30 + 40 is 70 and 7 + 5 is 12 so 70 + 12 is 82″
there’s just…so many ways to do math that make more sense than the way I was taught
this post got a lot more popular than I was expecting wow
I’ve seen some people reblogging this saying they don’t have adhd but have autism and yes! People with autism do this too! I’ve learned that a lot of people with adhd and/or autism do things that overlap and this is one of them!
i’m sorry but these are the only valid tags on this post
